Why not have a comedian at your party? I’m sure my 21st would have been better if Rodney Rude had turned up. And yes I’ve done many a private party, 40th, 50th, 60th and even a 70th. Unfortunately I’ve done a 21st. It wasn’t my intention. I was at a cricket club gig and a drunk guy said to me ‘Can you do my party on Saturday night?’ Sure I said. So I turn up and walk down the driveway and there’s a sign that says ‘Amber’s 21st’. I’m like, I didn’t sign up for this. It’s a classic 21st birthday party with kids congregating outside (drinking, yelling, throwing furniture into the pool) and the adults gathered inside (drinking less, talking, sitting on furniture). The drunk guy spots me, he’s still drunk, I don’t know if he had a break since the cricket club function, or he drank from Friday lunch till Saturday night. ‘I’ll get the kids inside and you can do your comedy skit.’ So I’m standing in the kitchen holding a microphone and the drunk guy makes Amber stand next to me, with her boyfriend, like I’m a marriage celebrant. Straight away a big young guy with curly hair starts heckling me.
Young heckler ‘You’re not funny..’
I say ‘I know your Dad.’
‘You know my Dad?’
‘Yeah Brendan Fevola.’
This cracks even the kids up; the big kid then looks sheepish. For people that don’t know Fevola, he’s a former AFL legend and now radio host; he’s a big boy.
I move on, time to pick on the Dad aka the drunk guy.
‘So how long have you been with your wife?’
Awkward silence.
Drunk guy ‘we broke up a month ago. After 20 years. ‘
More awkward silence.
Amber ‘Good one Dave. Sore topic.’
Young heckler ‘Nuh I like you now, you’re funny.’
But Rob’s party was going to be different, it was his 50th and he even lived near me. This should be easy. So I turn up to a bar in Abbotsford and everyone is in fancy dress. There are a lot of religious figures, two popes, a bishop and several priests. There’s a Ted Lasso, a Mario brother and just a lot of guys in ill-fitting wigs. Rob is a geologist so it’s fair to say they were an eclectic crowd. Anyone who spends all day looking at rocks is sure to be a bit twisted. His daughter got up and made a heart felt and funny speech, this is always hard to follow.
Then it was my turn, so I jump on stage and start roasting Rob, I tried to have a go at his lobster costume, best I could come up with was ‘your costumes a bit shellfish.’ Now that got groans and so it should have. The best joke was ‘You’re a geologist, so you’re a rock lobster?’ Ha unfortunately that joke was suggested to me by comedian Mike Goldstein a week later, when I was telling him about the gig. Would have been handy at the time. Rob grew up in Ararat (very flat place in Western district) so I said ‘ Did growing up around all that dirt and rocks inspire you?’ That got nothing.
Ok time to move on, find another target. I turn around and notice I’m sharing a stage with DJ Andy, he kind of looks familiar. He’s dressed like a young hipster in a bomber jacket. ‘What have you come dressed as Andy, a WW2 pilot?’ Now this gets a laugh, so I keep picking on Andy, who seems to be taking it well.
I move back to the crowd and I say ‘Ok who’s the richest person here?’ Now normally this is easy as you ask where they live and immediately judge their wealth. So if it’s Brighton or Double bay, they’re loaded. But if its Epping or Narre Warren not so much. But Rob’s friends are from WA, QLD, Canada, even Laos… ! So it’s hard to judge, so my second go to is ‘Who owns a beach house?’ Again, another sign of wealth. Suddenly the bishop is pointing to the pope, Ted Lasso is yelling out ‘Austin Powers over here.’ I’m like wow someone’s dressed as Austin Powers!? Yeah baby that’s more retro than me. Then I hear a quiet voice from behind me ‘I own a beach house.’ It’s DJ Andy. ‘Shut up Andy, as if!’ Another big laugh. We sing happy birthday for Rob and I jump off. Rob takes the mike and says ‘Dave I’m glad you met DJ Andy, I don’t know if you remember him but he was in Madison Avenue, he wrote this song. And then DJ Andy played ‘Don’t call me baby.’
One of the biggest songs of 2000.
Number one in UK.
Number two in Australia.
Number one in NZ.
Number seven in Greece (Can’t have it all, yassou!)
I’d interviewed him before on radio, no wonder he looked familiar. And yeah he owned a beach house all right. He wrote that song. He was the richest guy in the room.
Did I feel like an idiot? YES I DID.
I’ve got a good idea for a song, Rock Lobster. What?
Already been done?
Ahh well back to the drawing board.
He also wrote who the Hell are You there follow up hit that went to number 1 has well